Whatever Happened to Jackie & Mario?
(photo courtesy of Spin Cycle NYC)
Jackie Beat and Mario Diaz go head-to-head and give us the dirty on their vicious new play, Whatever Happened to Busty Jane?
It’s been a lotta years since Jackie Beat and Mario Diaz abandoned New York for the sunnier streets of Los Angeles. But if you miss this gruesome twosome as much as you should—and you should miss them a lot!—you’re in luck. The prodigals return to NYC next week, starring in a limited run of Beats hilarious hit play, Whatever Happened to Busty Jane? Inspired by the classic Joan Crawford/Bette Davis film, the play centers around a washed up 80s porn icon (Beat) and her wheelchair-bound, former power bottom brother (Diaz).
Everyone knows that story behind the scenes of the original film: Crawford and Davis hated each other, which lead to some epic catfights. We decided to see what would happen if we set Diaz and Beat on each other, so we had them conduct their own interview, tete-a-tete…
JACKIE BEAT: So, what's your favorite part of our racist, homophobic, hateful little play?
MARIO DIAZ: I really love when I'm going through your bedroom looking for something to eat. Essentially we simply flip over the Warhol portrait of me to turn my bedroom into yours—this ain't Broadway—and your portrait is this horrible beaver shot and the audience always just screams when they see it! That's the same scene where I guzzle fruit-flavored lube because you're starving me!
JB: Good times!
MD: Yes, I'm sure we will win some major theater awards. At the very least, something from GLAAD. What's your favorite part?
JB: I really love my scene with Selene. Every line is a gem and we can barely get through it because the audience keeps losing it, but she is such a good sport. As a little person, she really allowed me to be brutal and make one cruel short joke after another. And of course, she gets in some great fat jokes and even calls me a man at one point! But I love the whole play—I think it's the funniest thing I have ever written.
MD: I agree! It is beyond sick. Remember that bitch in LA who kept huffing and puffing and rolling her eyes every time we made a Mexican joke?
JB: She had no problem with the 217 jokes about AIDS and fags and pedophiles and Asians, but she freaked out every time we made some crack about the Puerto Rican maid—who keeps being mistaken for Mexican. I mean, don't come to this play if you are easily offended.
MD: Or dumb—which she obviously was.
JB: Yes, she was a dumb Mexican! I am so excited to be back onstage with you in NYC, Mr. Mario Diaz! And your 80s fashions are simply hideous, by the way.
MD: Thank you, dear. I am also excited to once again be in a real play with you, Lady Beat. And you're so lucky that you don't even have to wear makeup in this show!
JB: Fuck you.
MD: I'd really rather you didn't.
Whatever Happened to Busty Jane? runs May 19–22 at the Laurie Beechman Theater inside the West Bank Café, 407 W 42nd St., $20–$22.50, $15 food min. For tickets call 212-352-3101 or visit SpinCycleNYC.com.
