Drag Race Recaps: QNN
By Matty Slick-Haxx
Can you believe it’s been another week already? The snow is finally melting, and Chelsea boys all over are popping Xanax and hitting the gym trying to get their bods “Fire-Island ready.” When we finally get the chance to kick up our feet and relax, what better way than to watch hungry trannies sink their teeth into some good ole drag race?
As if news anchors and weather woman weren’t compared to drag queens enough already, this week, the girls got to channel their inner Barbra Walters. The mini-challenge forced upon our queens was “Red Carpet Scandel.” They had ten minutes to come up with a look that was utterly scandalous and were then photographed on the “red carpet.” Raja looked like Rihanna (post Chris Brown) and owned it. Carmen showed the world her ability to make an “at-home-coochie.” And Stacey Lane Matthews made us wonder if the network should have blurred her titty; it just looked so real! Carmen and Stacey were named team captains and with everyone severely doubting Stacey’s abilities, my interest was piqued.
For the main challenge, all the lady-boys had to come up with their own morning news broadcast: two anchors, a gossip girl, weather woman, and an “on location” reporter. Here are this week’s gags and frowns:
Gag:
RuPaul has this odd ability to look fierce whether she is a boy or a girl. The lady is always on point. She is the tranny Oprah. Now, I wonder what a Ru network would look like…
Ru tested the girls’ ability to use a blue screen. It was nothing but comical.
Shangela outshined her entire team through her gossip girl. It was one of the most believable performances I’ve seen this season.
Camen’s team had a great opening for their broadcast. Very cute.
I was finding it extremely hard to control myself when the ever-looming debate over Pagent Queens vs. Non-Pagent Queens went down between Raja and Shangela. That shit got heated.
Carmen farted in her money dress and almost cleared the Interior Illusions lounge. Bro point.
Manila killed her interview when she crossed the racially insensitive line. She was giving you Connie Chung, Kim Jong Il and Hello Kitty all wrapped up in a yellow business suit. Even RuPaul didn’t know if she should be offended or not.
Delta continually resembled a Faberge egg. “Delta found Nemo!”
I feel this is every week, but what Raja brought to the runway was nothing but absolute sex. Please sir, can I have some more?
Chloe Sevigny was the guest judge. An academy award nominee was actually addressing these queens. I just really love her. Any girl that gets her start by getting raped by a dude named Casper (Kids) and goes on to be one of three wives of a Mormon polygamist (Big Love)… well, they are okay with me!
Frown:
Stacey really lacks leadership skills, especially with the type of queens she’s currently up against.
India seemed like she was just drugged up. She doesn’t know how to bring it, and frankly, she just isn’t that good. She has no personality.
Stacey was told it looked like she had a puppy on her head—wait I think that might actually be gag-worthy!
There was a confrontation between Raja, Carmen and Delta that was obviously staged, that really doesn’t fly with me.
The queens got into a huge argument over Manila’s choice to be offensive and taking the entire newscast in a comical direction. Hello! You are men in dresses! If that doesn’t automatically spell comedy, I don’t really know what does. You are supposed to be offensive! That is why we like drag queens, duh.
When India walked down the runway, she looked like 90s vomit ready for the opera. And the hair was just…ew.
When it came down to it India and Stacey were in the bottom two. This came as no surprise. Stacey severely fell short of what was expected of her as team leader, and India… well, India was just India. To think, I thought lobotomies were illegal in the US. India proved that one wrong! Well, the two ladies had to lipsynch “Meeting In the Ladies Room,” and I almost thought I was watching a real competition for a split-second, but in reality, India was falling flat from the get-go. You could she her trying to give her all and not hold back, but she just couldn’t do it.
Now, Stacey shocked me. Mostly, because I didn’t know she could move so fast, but she really showed the judges that she wanted to be there. She smiled, she tapped into the inner diva we’ve all been waiting to see. She brought out the bitch in small-town, back woods attitude.
It came as no surprise when India was sent home. She looked defeated, but that had already happened a few episodes ago. Stacey was spared, but warned that if she didn’t let more of her C.U.N.T. show she would be lipsynching again next week.
I am ready for this show to really get going. We are seeing two sides of the spectrum currently. The breathtakingly fierce and the queens graced with luck and mediocrity. I want to see the show really test these girls and weed out the losers just a little faster. My attention span isn’t that long! Come on, Ru, makes these girls work!
