April Fools Ketchup Farmer Sparkle Fest... AMAZEMENT!
Matty Slick-Haxx
April Fools Ketchup Farmer Sparkle Fest. What the fuck is that?! Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Think of everything your little gay heart ever desired or held dear to form the ages 11-17. Now throw it up all over a Hell’s Kitchen bar and GAG! You have AFKFSF. This past Friday was the second installment of complete faggotry from party-boy hosts Billy Joel at Vlada Bar and it was nothing but a complete shit show.
After the premiere party last month, I was itching for the next hillbilly throw down that always seems to happen at Vlada. Corey Tut was spinning absolute fire, making me run from the front patio all the way to the upstairs booth just to bow to the amazement that is his tunage. I found myself streamlining through the glitter-covered gays of all shapes and sizes directly to the upstairs bar where my fellow Antiwink, Kelly Gorman, was serving up not only fierce attitude, but also lethally strong drinks. I couldn’t help myself and had three (or seven). But the moment I really fell in love with the party was when the bright, beaming sprite that is Billy Hannon filled his fuzzy Justin Beiber clutch with glitter, took a neon sharpie and wrote “FUCK MY FACE!” on a snap-bracelet, whipped in on my wrist and dragged me to the “Susan Sarandon and Justin Beiber Tinsel Sex Chamber” where such atrocities occurred that I would need an 18+ button to post on here. But, believe me, it was beautiful and wonderful, and my ass hurt for the next three days.
I really could only ask for one thing from Joel Halcro and Billy Hannon, next Sparkle Fest… can you make sure Joseph Stanek is only wearing a jockstrap… I think all of Hell’s Kitchen would thank you for that one. That boy makes me tingle.
To really cover all the bases: The drinks were strong, the boys were sweaty and gorgeous, I’ll be picking glitter out of my ass crack for a week, and snap bracelets are making a COMEBACK!!! What more could this little faggot ask for? Absolutely nothing! So, until the next sparkle orgy of doom, stay sweet and never stop throwing that glitter, bitches!!!
