AntiTwink's Oscars Live Blog!
It's Hollywood's biggest night of the year, and we're serving up real time cuntiness. Join us right here at 8pm—maybe a little earlier for some red carpet nonsense—and don't forget to keep clicking refresh for our rapid fire commentary!
7:54pm: Good evening everyone! Welcome to several hours of our lives we'll never get back! Tim Gunn and the gang are currently kissing SO MUCH ASS on the red carpet right now!
7:59: Ok, y'all. Just to set the scene for you: I'm wicked hungover and sleep deprived. So, yeah. Just barely holding it together. So this may end up being the grouchiest Oscars live-blog ever. Which actually might be pretty entertaining. Even so, consider yourselves warned.
8:09: Gotta be honest, still not really sure how I feel about Franco and Hathaway hosting. I mean, nevermind the fact that they're both totally Hollywood insiders, but shouldn't there be a rule against nominees hosting? Oh, and Franco's totally stoned!
8:12: Wait, is there a reason why everyone is wearing red?
8:13: Sandra Bullock: "I just did my first day of work in over a year." Anyone else want to slap her?
8:19: I hate Kidman's dress. Hate it.
8:21: OMG Paltrow looks amazing! She's totally won me over again. I'm gonna need her to perform "Fuck You" again.
8:28: Hugh Jackman is SO charming, but that jacket is awful!
8:29: And the exact opposite for Halle Barry: Gorgeous dress; horribly unappealing person.
8:32: Jeezus are they just gonna interview Tom Hanks while he's walking out onstage?
8:37: I'm still trying to come to grips with the fact that Toy Story 3 is the only one of the best picture noms I've actually seen.
8:39: Alec Baldwin: national treasure.
8:40: Ok, I take it back, Franco and Hathaway are awesome!
8:44: Does anyone else suddenly feel like Franco and Hathaway are like little kids doing a skit at a family reunion...or something?
8:48: What. The. Hell. Was that? Imagery from Gone With The Wind...and now Tom Hanks! AND Titanic!
8:51: One award in and I'm already over this bullshit. I have a feeling it's gonna be a REALLY long night.
8:53: Do you think he knows he has his glasses on his head?
8:58: Oh god. Kirk Douglas. This was a bad idea.
9:00: Rooting for Helena! Who actually looks pretty damn good tonight.
9:02: Oh god, this is just painful.
9:04: Sweet Jeasus, play her off!
9:07: Mila Kunis's dress reminds me of this:
9:19: Wait...What were Brolin and Bardem doing while the camera cut to Penelope Cruz? Looked like they were starting to dance together. Was that too hot for the Oscars?
9:22: Aaron Sorkin WILL NOT be played off!
9:24: Honestly, Helena Bonham Carter is the only thing that makes me want to see The King's Speech.
9:34: I walk away for 10 min to make pop corn and fucking Russell Brand, the husband of fucking Katy Perry, is on the fucking Oscars. Fail, Academy. Fail!
9:36: Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale has this one, right? We can all agree on that.
9:38: Whew! God, can you imagine the shit storm tantrum Christian Bale would have thrown if he'd lost?
9:46: Anyone else feel like Hathaway is hosting this thing solo now? Did they just decided not to let Franco back onstage?
9:50: Fuck Yeah, Trent Reznor! Damn, he looks good!
9:52: ScarJo and McConaughy: so pretty, so undertalented.
10:00: Yes. Academy Award-winner, Marisa Tomei. Nice dress, tho.
10:02: Cate Blanchett: "I was in this movie, blah blah blah. Here's this year's nominiees!" Also, I'm very dissappointed in her dress!
10:06: Coleen Atwood, are you aware that Tim Burton totally shat all over Lewis Carroll's humor and story with that cynical piece of shit movie? Just sayin'.
10:08: Ugh. Randy Newman.
10:15: Do you think anyone told Academy Award-winner Adrien Brody that that Stella Artois commercial was going to air outside of Japan?
10:19: Sorry, Strangers No More. I can't get behind a movie whose title font I recognize from Microsoft Word.
10:23: Autotuning the movies. Awful. Awful.
10:25: Aaaaaaaand...Ooooooooooprah!
10:33: So, what do you bet they grabbed Billy Crystal from the audience and were like, "Hey, Billy, these kids are dying up here. Can you come up here and dig us out of this hole?"
10:41: Sorry, when I see Jude Law and Robert Downy Jr. all I see is a couple of smug bastards.
10:48: Werk, Florence! This makes everything all better.
10:50: Oh, Paltrow. I'm just gonna watch this instead:
10:52: I cannot deal with JHud's accent. Does this make me racist?
10:55: From NPR's Monkey See Oscar live-blog: "The 2010 Oscars certainly are the Oscars of the Filibustering Old Man."
10:56: I really wanted Ozzy to bite Bieber's head off in that Best Buy commercial.
10:58: Oh god, Celine Dion and the dead folk.
11:07: That's what I love about the Oscars: those moments when the host introduces someone who is onstage simply to introduce yet another person! Also, I'll be really happy if Hilary Swank never gets another Oscar.
11:10: Sorry, was he just like "The men in my movie are the only ones that matter. Suck it, Helena."
11:18: I hate this talking-directly-to-the-nominee thing. Annoying. Gross. Awkward.
11:22: Ok. So Natalie Portman wins best actress and will now be even more insufferable.
11:25: Werk, Rodarte shout out!
11:26: Bullock is a lot like Julia Roberts in that you kinda don't like her, but she's awsome on awards shows and red carpets. Cause she's wry and funny.
11:29: I suddenly feel like Eisenberg might take Best Actor...I don't know. Although that Colin Firth clip was amazing. And Franco's just not getting it.
11:31: And it's Colin Firth! And he might dance a jig!
11:35: Oh God, I forgot about P.S. 122. We've still gotta sit through that? Those kids should be in bed! They have school tomorrow!
11:37: I have to say, Hathaway's dresses have been pretty damn great.
11:39: Spielberg for Best Picture. Have we already done Best Director? I can't even remember anymore.
11:40: The King's Speech is getting it. Obviously. But wouldn't it be awesome if Toy Story 3 won?
11:42: And there it is: The King's Speech.
11:45: Awwwwwww! Kids singing "Over the Rainbow!" It's like the show's producers knew they'd need to end it with something that would garner some vague good will.
11:50: Well, that's it for awards season. Good night folks. The snark continues tomorrow!
